Ban reason:Used the word "retarded" after being warned prior. Length of ban:Indefinite Ban Issue: The ban is fair, but I would like a second chance or reduction
Events leading to the ban
in the many hours I played on the server it seems that I have more then once let out the word “retarded”. This is a word I use often with 0 impulse control due to a mental illness I have. I take medication for it but the results vary. I know its not correct to write off the usage of the word to my own illness of the fact. I genuinely with complete honesty did not even realise I had used the word at all. To the fact it even surprised me when I was notified that I had used it. And in fact more then once.
Reason the ban should be removed
A permanent ban for this is extremely harsh. As far as im aware this is the only rule ive broken(granted it is one of the top rules) and always been active in reporting rulebreaks or asking around for the correct usage if something is legal or not. I understand that that admins are there to protect the people with disabilities(I can provide medical documents for proof) like me. However my impulse control led to me saying the word which I apologies. Ive been called the word myself many times before and I guess it kind of just stuck with me so much that I dont even realize it anymore. If give the chance to appeal this ban. I will forever use a mute character to prevent myself from speaking to avoid any further incidents like this. Ive played over 80 hours on your server and greatly enjoyed myself and would like to continue to do so. To be honest im kind of addicted to the game and not being able to play anymore would bring my great sorrow. I was hoping to try medium RP as well but I guess that might no longer be a possibility. If there are any steps you would like me to take I am open and willing to listen to any suggestions or help offered in this regard.
I have been shown the extent of how much I used the word and it genuinely shocked me. After self reflection and review of how many times I used it I believe it would be nothing short of a miracle to even get this reduced at all. I genuinely was flabbergasted at how many times I used it on the server in total. I understand the hurt it causes in using it against myself and others. And even if I were to get a second chance I would be scared of slipping up again. I dont want to slip up again. I think If I were to be able to play here again I would assign myself mute or non-verbal ghost roles. I need to learn to de-program myself from using this language but I dont know how. I want to learn to be better. Im just uncertain of how id go about it. I think I have a problem looking at how I played 90 hours in 6 days.
My current dilema is. IF I were to be given another chance. How can I learn to de-program myself if I will have no chance at all for any mistakes whatsoever. Being a mute wouldnt help me in unlearnings years of this. IF given the chance id be too terrified to fail again… I want to play on the server and have fun without being harmful to any other users and to myself.
I just had a chat with my mom. I asked her. What do you find more offensive. The usage of the R word of the usage of the N word. She said the R word without thinking. Granted its not a competition but it gives me alot to reflect about… I had to awkwardly get away from that conversation afterwards. She told me a story that I didnt remember of when I was younger that made me reflect even more on these things.
So I am learning more and more that my I was so used in seeing or hearing the word online that it completely desensitized me. Im doing my best efforts now everywhere to very carefully watch anything I type to an insane degree to avoid saying it. I had no idea it was this offensive. I once again am shocked at my lack of knowledge on the situation. Ive been doing more research and reading on the topics. I cant put it all up to just “I didnt know better” However. I dont think id be able to look into the eyes (real or virtual) of anybody ive called that in the past.
After discussing and investigating this internally, we have found a severe overuse of the R slur and are not comfortable allowing you to play on our servers until you can get a handle on this.
For these reasons, the admin team has decided to upgrade this ban to a voucher ban. You may appeal your ban, but only at least 6 months from now, and only with a voucher of good behavior from another SS13/SS14 server.
A voucher of good behavior should be obtained from a well-known or decently active SS13/SS14 server. If it is a mainstream server, we recommend using that server’s admin-help to ask for a voucher from one of the administrators explaining that you are trying to appeal a ban on SS14’s Wizard’s Den and want to show you have been a problem-free player during your playtime on the server. A voucher should be indicative of at least a few months of play.