I just had a chat with my mom. I asked her. What do you find more offensive. The usage of the R word of the usage of the N word. She said the R word without thinking. Granted its not a competition but it gives me alot to reflect about… I had to awkwardly get away from that conversation afterwards. She told me a story that I didnt remember of when I was younger that made me reflect even more on these things.
So I am learning more and more that my I was so used in seeing or hearing the word online that it completely desensitized me. Im doing my best efforts now everywhere to very carefully watch anything I type to an insane degree to avoid saying it. I had no idea it was this offensive. I once again am shocked at my lack of knowledge on the situation. Ive been doing more research and reading on the topics. I cant put it all up to just “I didnt know better” However. I dont think id be able to look into the eyes (real or virtual) of anybody ive called that in the past.