Username: MissHuntress1082
Banned Roles: Unknown, but guessing security
Ban reason: Ban reason is private
Length of ban: Indefinite
Ban Issue:
The ban is fair, but I would like a second chance or reduction
Events leading to the ban
- Started playing SS14 for the first time, went straight into medical
- Was having a lot of fun in medical, but noticed a lot of patients were coming in injured/dead due to other people
- Play on Colonial Marines MRP, had a lot of fun as well
- Decided to start playing security on Wizden, went downhill from there
- Get taught nothing as cadet, no shadowing, only learning from YT guides and CM MRP experience, having 0 fun as sec
- Frustration and anger towards both sec and non-sec slowly builds up
- Real life circumstances also add to stress
- Despite hating playing sec, feel obligated to play as sec as I want to try and improve sec and avoid/prevent shitsec
- Unlock Sec Officer, Det, Ward and HoS, still not having fun
- Trying my best as HoS, most rounds stopping antags from getting greentext
- Lecture/demote cadets and officers for breaking space law
- Sec is usually understaffed, and people love to self antag sec
- Get called insults and told to off myself constantly
- Multitasking, doing the Detective’s, Ward’s and Command jobs all at once as HoS
- Trying my best, then I snap and lose it
- Go crazy in-game as Passenger, start self harming in-game and real life, screaming “just let me die”, “I’m not good enough” etc
- Continues for a few rounds between Passenger and HoS, becoming depressed and suicidal as HoS at normal sec inconveniences/issues
- Feel like my autism is starting to affect me negatively again
- Therapist role exists in-game, so I vent as Passenger to therapists about both in-game and real life trauma, talking about sexual abuse, child abuse, and self harm episodes
- Stress from in-game and real life triggered my CPTSD, Imposter Syndrome etc, causes episodes
- Playing security caused me to have mental breakdowns and self harm and suicide attempts
- Some people in the Wizden Lizard community justifiably dislike my conduct and start to feel uncomfortable when I’m on server and start dislike me and my character
- Talked to one of the people that dislikes me and found my misconduct gross during one round as they’re therapist and I’m passenger
- Ask them for advice, they made me realise I was in the wrong and was acting poorly
- I stop the venting and traumatising behaviour
- Try to take the game and role less seriously
- I try to make amends as HoS ic-ly, trying harder to prevent shitsec and be good sec
- Start playing engineering and cargo
- Actually enjoying engineering
- Try to move on from my past behaviour by not doing that behaviour again, cryo-ing/walking away if things become too much, but people still dislike me (understandably so)
- Switch from Lizard to Vulture to give the people I affected space
- A few of the people from Lizard migrate to Vulture and see me
- We avoid each other and interacting as much as possible but but they’re still uncomfortable with my presence
- Admin finally talks to me about the events that happened a while ago regarding me talking about the SA, CA, SH etc.
- Explain everything previously stated, that I was venting, but despite that, I was in the wrong, and I knew I was in the wrong for doing that and triggered other people and made them uncomfortable
- Discuss between a warning, role ban, and game ban
- Banned
Reason the ban should be removed
I feel like I am ready enough to come back to Wizden as I have sorted out a lot of my real life stress points, seeked medical help, got medication, sorted out financial issues etc which were the main factors leading to my mental breakdowns while playing the game
I also understand that I was in the wrong as my actions hurt other people in the community, and it wasn’t right of me and have a plan on how to avoid my episodes on affecting myself and other people ic-ly
Such as, if the game gets overwhelming, I can step back, cryo or just disconnect. Remind myself that it is a game, but that there are other people too. I recognise that talking about my real life personal issues is not appropriate and can trigger other people, to keep my irl and in-game lives/characters, whatever as separate.
Most importantly, I should never talk about sexual abuse, child abuse, self harm etc again and if there are other people who talk about it IC-ly, help them LOOC/ahelp them to stop them from ending up how I did. To seek help irl instead of in-game as it can hurt people.
One last thing. I hope that I could get an appropriate setting to apologise to the people I affected as I feel like apologising IC-ly or in any other context would feel insincere.
Thank you for taking the time to read my ban appeal, I am willing if the subject of this ban appeal needs to be discussed further.
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