Robusted a third of the station as a monkey trapped in disposals... I will wear this ban as a badge of honour.

So I was playing on Wizard’s Den Lizard today. Latejoined as a mime, got killed in a depressurized corridor and decided to choose a ghost role rather than waiting to be revived. The admins had made monkey ghost roles available, allowing you to take control of a monkey. The movement is controlled by an AI but you can talk, open doors and equip and use items in one hand.

The monkeys kept being killed so I had to keep switching monkeys, and for the first two monkeys I didn’t do much except chat and make up some stuff about being immortal and being a monkey hivemind. But the third monkey which I possessed was trapped in disposals and couldn’t move at all.  There is a glitched conveyor belt tile in disposals on Saltern where any item that is on it is out of reach for most people no matter how close you are to them, unless you enter disposals via a waste chute. This monkey had entered via a waste chute apparently because I could pick up these items. I started with not much of interest except a screwdriver, wirecutter, a few shards of broken glass and three banana peels. I threw the banana peels in front of the door to slip anyone coming in and attacked the conveyor with the glass shard, thinking I might be able to destroy it and free myself.

But then a security officer entered disposals and slipped, so I started using the glass shard to attack him instead. I had seen monkey ghost roles shoot people with guns and get away with it before so I incorrectly assumed that all monkey ghost roles had antag status since they had to be enabled by an admin. To my surprise, I managed to corner the secoff in disposals, and when he tried to leave, he slipped on the banana peels again and I took his stun baton. I proceeded to  robust the security officer… as a MONKEY,  and didn’t stop attacking him until he completely gibbed and couldn’t be cloned. The secoff alerted the rest of the crew about the situation before he died, and a few more crew members came in to try and stop me, including an assistant with a crowbar, a doctor with another stun baton, the bartender with a spear and shotgun, and  even the CAPTAIN with a stun baton and SMG.  Excluding the bartender,  I somehow managed to robust ALL OF THEM.  I don’t know how, I literally couldn’t move and if they didn’t want to die they could just not go to disposals and wait for me to leave out of boredom. It wasn’t like I could chase them down or anything.  I took the weapons from everyone I killed and gibbed, so at the end of it all I had killed six crewmembers and had three stun batons and the captain’s SMG (which I used to kill him after he slipped.) I even got the bartender’s spear and shotgun when he came back and attempted to kill me, although the man himself got away.

Eventually, an admin exploded me to prevent any more crewmembers from dying and banned me from the server for a week. Which is fair enough, after all I killed more than a third of the station as a non-antag and gibbed them all so they couldn’t be cloned. The funny thing was though, all the death could have been prevented if people just stopped coming to disposals, yet they just kept on coming. And I was a literal MONKEY with less max health than a human, who couldn’t even move, not some crazy fully-armed mass murderer from Cargonia.

I’m not even going to appeal the ban, I’m proud of it. Killing people as a non-antag (and especially as a ghost role) is wrong and I’m not promoting it or saying anyone else should do it. Definitely don’t try this one at home. But considering how hilarious and unusual the whole situation was, the one week ban was totally worth it. I deserved it, and it’s probably for the better since I need to study for exams anyway. I won’t do it again, but… LMFAO. To everyone who was there and witnessed the hilarity, both players and admins, thank you for your time and I hope you all had a good laugh. After all, it is the people that make SS13 and its remakes so great.

Attached to this post is a screenshot of the ban message I recieved, which is equally hilarious. GG mate.

tl;dr:  Robusted a third of the server as a monkey ghost role who had one hand, no inventory and couldn’t move. Probably mostly due to pure luck rather than skill. Got banned for it but I’m not even mad. Now I’m here to gloat and apologize at the same time.


I will say I was bloody fucking impressed you lived that long when I logged on to see the disaster you had made.
While this isn’t an appeal, you seem chill enough, and I’m going to relax the ban (you’re unbanned now, have fun)

Was one of the robusted and it was hilarious.

On 11/24/2021 at 9:28 PM, moony said:

I will say I was bloody fucking impressed you lived that long when I logged on to see the disaster you had made.
While this isn’t an appeal, you seem chill enough, and I’m going to relax the ban (you’re unbanned now, have fun)

Thanks for the unban, although I probably won’t be in game for a while anyway because I have exams and a bunch of other stuff to do irl.

Yeah, I have no idea how I managed to survive that long either lmao


Also I’m sure this won’t be an isolated incident and other people will get confused about the rules and do something similar in the future. Something you might want to consider is designing ghost roles so that they are incapable of killing people in the first place. It’s much easier to prevent undesirable behavior from happening by making it physically impossible to happen than having to enforce it.

For example, on Goonstation SS13 the only two ghost role options are to be a critter or a ghost drone. Critters have extremely low HP and do such low damage they are practically incapable of killing. Ghost drones are locked behind a time requirement and you have to play for a certain number of hours on the server before unlocking them. They can construct and deconstruct parts of the station, which does give them the ability to grief and remove oxygen from the station (although this is not allowed and is punishable) but even they are incapable of directly killing players. There are some event ghost roles which are powerful enough to kill players, but all of those are latejoin antags which have the antag status.

While the monkey ghost role in SS14 is very limited (only one hand slot, no inventory, can’t control your own movement) and seems equally harmless on paper, the unexpected does happen as we have both witnessed. And like I said, I even saw someone shooting people with a gun as one once. It is technically powerful enough to kill a player in a way that Goonstation ghost roles aren’t. Much to my surprise, and I’m sure much to your surprise too.

So yeah, designing ghost roles that are practically incapable of killing people is something you might want to consider. Which could mean monkeys having the damage they deal nerfed and being incapable of picking up items that are too big like Goon’s critters, or simply not being able to pick items up at all.

If enough people think this is a good idea I might make it into a separate suggestion post.