Ban reason: [Used slur ‘f*****’ in dying breath]
Length of ban: [Indefinite]
Events leading to the ban: First round as RD with my character Florence Kelso, who has that job set to low priority. Tried my hardest to keep things running and communicate with my department, other leaders, and cargo, but ran into some walls. Our department was short staffed and the engineering department wasn’t staffed at all, and we faced some power problems for much of the start of the round. Throughout the round my attempts at communicating with other heads on the command radio were almost always ignored. It seemed like some clownery was going on and there were multiple HOP or HOS, I don’t remember which, but command was a mess. One of the artifacts was stuck in a dead end as none of us could figure out how to activate its high pressure node, even after both spacing it and attempting to flood the room with gas. The only other anomaly we had either exploded or was bombed, I’m not sure since I wasn’t there, but people were trying to break into our department throughout the game. I tried to tell sec to arrest one person who had been breaking in by tampering with the doors (not emag, and not any relevant antag I think, but the ninja would end up emagging those doors later anyways), but they never responded. The artifact room that had exploded remained spaced for a long time as there were few engineers. At the start of the round I provided a mining drill to salvage and dedicated most of the department’s focus and research to a cargo technicians request for a RIPLEY. While the one room was spaced, I was threatened and then killed by the ninja and had my ID and PDA stolen, which was discouraging. Then I was dragged to med and treated by a medbay that, as someone who normally mains medical, I could tell was struggling to keep itself together and was staffed with a lot of people who needed more training, or was struggling under the pressure from antags. We finally managed to research the RIPLEY technology after I returned, but due to evac having been called at the time the ninja had killed me, we didn’t have enough time to deliver anything before the round ended. On my way to evac, I already felt resigned due to the ninja killing me a few minutes before, I was bothered that I lost my ID and PDA, and that’s when the person I would call the slur started to ask me for my teleporter and hardsuit. I refused and they started shooting me, I fought back, failed, and I was annoyed that I was being killed and stolen from again so soon. I was killed in the last minute before evac left by a syndie salvage technician, who I called the slur in my dying breath because I felt so done with it all and thought it’d be cathartic to insult them after their betrayal at the end. During the fight with the salvage tech, a sec officer failed to do anything to help and I was even more annoyed because of that.
Beyond the context of the game, I’m transgender and a furry artist, and my friends and I say that word to each other a lot. I know that doesn’t make it okay, but it’s context that my friends and I claim that word, and it’s desensitized to us as being as offensive as it is. I’d also been staying up late to play and that was impairing my judgement some.
Reason the ban should be removed: I think I should have my ban removed, or reduced to being temporary. This appeal isn’t to say that I didn’t do something wrong, because I did, and this has taught me in no uncertain terms to rethink my behavior. I’ve been passionate about the game and wouldn’t want to give that up, because wizden is the only server me and my friends feel comfortable on, I regret and I’m sorry for taking actions that go against that environment we’re allowed to be in comfortably so flagrantly. I promise to do better if given the chance.